Mother’s day is another one of those holidays that I loved so much when Brad was here - but is difficult now without him. My first Mother’s day without him was the day after his funeral. That was a bad one. The other’s have been...o.k. I struggled with it this year and tried to just stay distracted. We put on a little Grandmother’s Tea Party Friday - that was really fun and was a great distraction. Ty and I went on a “turn” on Saturday that was really fun too. We went to Salt Lake and ate lunch and shopped around at a bunch of cute little stores. Ty is my best little buddy. She is such a great kid. She makes me laugh my head off.
I was telling the girls today at dinner about how special Brad always made mother’s day for me. He would clean the house from top to bottom the Saturday before and take me out somewhere fun. I always loved my date with him; but I LOVED that he cleaned every square inch of the house. He would tell me to leave and run errands or whatever I had to do that day and I would come home to find every single thing clean. We’re talking: bathrooms, kitchen - every room, spotless - even the garage. He knew that I didn’t really love to clean and he didn’t really mind it, so he would actually surprise me like that every few months. He was so cute about it. One time I came home early and opened the garage door to find him just finishing up in the garage. - and he was so funny because he was so bugged that I got home early and, as he put it, “ruined” his surprise. I tried to tell him that although I did witness him sweeping; the surprise was not ruined - that the house was still clean and that I was still overjoyed. Ha! That is such a fun memory. :)
Mother’s Day morning I would get breakfast in bed, flowers, a fabulous dinner made and a sweet card. When asked what I wanted for any holiday; I would tell him that I just wanted a card. - but that I wanted him to actually write in it. I loved those when they were given to me; but I can’t even express in words how much they mean now. I have this stack of priceless cards from him that I get to read when I need to hear his voice. I was reading through some of them the other day. It is amazing to me that in nearly everyone he speaks of spending eternity together; How he can’t wait to be with me for eternity. I even remember thinking that is was a little odd that he didn’t talk about growing old together - he just talked about spending eternity together. Well, I don’t think that’s odd anymore. It’s just one more example to me that my sweet husband was very in tune. Reading those words from him on those cards is the greatest gift he could give me.
It dawned on me today that Brad went many Mother's Days without his mother. And he got to spend this one with her. That thought makes me happy. I never got to meet her. She passed away from cancer years before I met Brad. I do think that, from what I have heard about Loni, Brad was a lot like her. If I could meet her today, I would thank her for raising such a wonderful, loving son. and I'm sure that she's getting a great breakfast in bed in heaven today.
So, I’m a little ashamed to say that was having a little pity party for myself this morning; missing my Mother’s Day with Brad. I was a little put out to be working and cooking and having no help on “my” day. When I start to go into that “poor me” mode I have found usually only one thing that pulls me out of it. And it is totally cliche to even say it out loud; but it’s the only thing that works - And that is counting my blessings . (I know, I know... It sounds like I am making that up...but it really does work for me.) There are many nights that I actually have to start listing them outloud. I list them until it sinks in and I FEEL as blessed as I really am. So today I had to start a list of why I am grateful that I have 3 crazy girls to care for everyday; even on mother’s day. And you know what? That “little girl” list is pretty dang long. :) Every night while putting Addie to bed I say - “I love to be your mommy”; and she always replies with; “I love to be your Addie” and I always walk out of that room in awe of how happy those girls make me. I can’t even imagine how I would deal with losing Brad if I didn’t have my daughters. They make me laugh and remind me to be happy. Sometimes they make me want to scream, but they are my biggest source of Joy. They teach me to have faith and be strong. I am so grateful I get to be their mother.