After Brad died I used to have the most horrible, crushingly sad dream.
In the dream I had just lost Brad again.
Throughout the whole dream I was running all over looking for him and I could never find him.
People I would pass would say, "he just went that way." "he just passed by." "he's just around the corner up ahead."
and I would follow the trail but he was always just out of sight up ahead.
I would wake up sobbing. Never having found him.
I am so grateful I no longer have that dream.
And I think I know why I don't.
Because I have finally learned how to find him again.
and he is right here with us.
He is with us everyday.
I can feel him laughing with us and crying with us.
I can feel him holding me up and steadying me and helping me to do this.
I am still missing him every minute.
But I am no longer searching for him
Because he is here.