So it's safe to say that Valentines day is no longer one of my favorite holidays. to be honest, it pretty much blows now. And each year it is a hard day and it seems like I miss Brad more on that day than others....(didn't think that was possible, but I guess it is.)
so this year I definitely wasn't excited about valentines day approaching, but - I don't know, I just didn't want to hate it this year. I didn't want to be sad and eat chocolate and buy crap I don't need. (those are all things I have participated in QUITE A BIT on previous Valentine's days)
So this year I decided that I would not be sad. I really didn't know if I could just DECIDE that, but I was going to give it the old college try. (now, I'm not saying I can just decide not to be sad everyday - so please don't expect that from me ;), but I just don't want to be sad on THIS day anymore. - tomorrow I may not get out of bed....I still reserve that right.
I decided to try to make it all about the girls. We planned a Fancy Nancy Valentines dinner (I totally ripped that idea off from my cute sister) We dressed up and ate all the favorites. (mac and cheese, stovetop stuffing (Addie's favorite - she snuck half the bowl before dinner ever started :) some heart pizza and about 4 desserts. And it was crazy fun. We laughed and acted all fancy. Got out the stem glasses that I don't believe I have used since Brad died. Grandma joined us, and that was so fun. The little girls loved it, and Ty, ever the good sport, pulled out one of her dance dresses and took dress up to a whole new level.
and sitting here tonight , it's kindof surprising me - because I really didn't have a harder day than normal. It may sound dumb, but other Valentines days I have not even wanted to get out of bed, or function - so that is a big deal for me.
I'm not sure what is different this year. But I do know that I am learning a little secret. Brad is always close. He is always close when I need him. When I have rough night, or day, or month. But he is also always close when we are happy. And I know that seeing us happy makes him happy. and sometimes I can just FEEL that - him being happy. It's one of the greatest gifts he can give me. Today was one of those days. I love that our little party made him happy. And I love that I'm still learning about how much he influences us and how often he is here - that he can be physically gone - but oh, so close at the same time. It's kindof a miracle.