Friday, November 11, 2011


My birthday is on Veteran’s Day. It was the greatest day to have a birthday. Brad was always off work and I got to spend the whole day with him. I would wake to breakfast in bed - usually Brad’s famous French toast. (my favorite) He would have something amazing planned every year, little gifts from the kids, big A flowers, and he would clean the whole house spotless. (yes, I know, I was extremely spoiled) 

And all of this on a day that we should have been celebrating him as well. I remember a year in Florida when he was asking if it would be O.K. if he did a fly by at the parade - because, you know, it WAS my birthday and he wanted it to be all about me. Haha. It still makes me laugh when i think about it. - because it is just so like him to me more worried about others.  That was one of my funnest birthday memories - to get to cheer him on as his F15 four-ship flew by in perfect formation.  
He made my birthday’s unforgettable.  
And, for the past few years, unbearable without him. Last year I was thinking I had made peace with this day that my birthday falls on now. It’s kind of like “our” day, we can share it - but these past few days leading up to it I’ve been a mess. Overwhelmed and sad and pissed - and feeling bad for myself. Ugh! In a funk that I would try to shake off and just couldn’t.  
The first year was by far the hardest. I remember not even wanting to get out of my bed. My sweet sister gave me a beautiful necklace that first year. She had taken a card Brad had written in and his finger prints and , i don’t know how they did it, -  but I have this beautiful silver pendant that has Brad’s actual handwriting and print on it.
I love it. It makes me so happy to read it. I can look at that and see:
“I love you Beautiful, Eternally yours, Brad.”  
Reading that in his own handwriting helps me get perspective. 
eternity is a long time. and this life is but a moment. 
This separation will be but a moment.  

When I have it; I’m good. I feel like I can do this. I’m a better mother, a better everything. I don’t feel like I’m sinking, and I don’t feel alone.
Lately, I’ve felt like I’ve been losing it a little. 
And, I know it’s because I haven’t been on a “date” with my husband for a while.  Since I moved back I’ve had a standing Wednesday date with Brad at the temple. (thanks to my amazing Sister in law Lisa who would take the kids for the day) 
I don’t think I realized how much this was helping me hold it together until the Ogden Temple closed - and Sophie started school - for a few hours in the middle of the day (kindergarten ruins your life)  :) so I couldn’t have my “day off” anymore.  
So, I had a much needed date with my husband today.   

And it was a good day.   
Nothing changed. Just tweaked the way I looked at it a bit.
Perspective renewed. 
I went in feeling a little sorry for myself and came out feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. I would not trade places with any of you schmoes :)   
Do you know how many people dream of finding their soulmate and having a family with him and loving every minute of every day they got to spend with him?  
I had that.  I HAVE that.  I’m good. 
Happy Veteran’s Day to my best friend. Thank you for the amazing birthday.