Friday, November 11, 2011


My birthday is on Veteran’s Day. It was the greatest day to have a birthday. Brad was always off work and I got to spend the whole day with him. I would wake to breakfast in bed - usually Brad’s famous French toast. (my favorite) He would have something amazing planned every year, little gifts from the kids, big A flowers, and he would clean the whole house spotless. (yes, I know, I was extremely spoiled) 

And all of this on a day that we should have been celebrating him as well. I remember a year in Florida when he was asking if it would be O.K. if he did a fly by at the parade - because, you know, it WAS my birthday and he wanted it to be all about me. Haha. It still makes me laugh when i think about it. - because it is just so like him to me more worried about others.  That was one of my funnest birthday memories - to get to cheer him on as his F15 four-ship flew by in perfect formation.  
He made my birthday’s unforgettable.  
And, for the past few years, unbearable without him. Last year I was thinking I had made peace with this day that my birthday falls on now. It’s kind of like “our” day, we can share it - but these past few days leading up to it I’ve been a mess. Overwhelmed and sad and pissed - and feeling bad for myself. Ugh! In a funk that I would try to shake off and just couldn’t.  
The first year was by far the hardest. I remember not even wanting to get out of my bed. My sweet sister gave me a beautiful necklace that first year. She had taken a card Brad had written in and his finger prints and , i don’t know how they did it, -  but I have this beautiful silver pendant that has Brad’s actual handwriting and print on it.
I love it. It makes me so happy to read it. I can look at that and see:
“I love you Beautiful, Eternally yours, Brad.”  
Reading that in his own handwriting helps me get perspective. 
eternity is a long time. and this life is but a moment. 
This separation will be but a moment.  

When I have it; I’m good. I feel like I can do this. I’m a better mother, a better everything. I don’t feel like I’m sinking, and I don’t feel alone.
Lately, I’ve felt like I’ve been losing it a little. 
And, I know it’s because I haven’t been on a “date” with my husband for a while.  Since I moved back I’ve had a standing Wednesday date with Brad at the temple. (thanks to my amazing Sister in law Lisa who would take the kids for the day) 
I don’t think I realized how much this was helping me hold it together until the Ogden Temple closed - and Sophie started school - for a few hours in the middle of the day (kindergarten ruins your life)  :) so I couldn’t have my “day off” anymore.  
So, I had a much needed date with my husband today.   

And it was a good day.   
Nothing changed. Just tweaked the way I looked at it a bit.
Perspective renewed. 
I went in feeling a little sorry for myself and came out feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. I would not trade places with any of you schmoes :)   
Do you know how many people dream of finding their soulmate and having a family with him and loving every minute of every day they got to spend with him?  
I had that.  I HAVE that.  I’m good. 
Happy Veteran’s Day to my best friend. Thank you for the amazing birthday.


  1. "Sometimes the very moments that seem to overcome us with suffering are those that will ultimately suffer us to overcome." -Joseph B. Wirthlin
    You are so loved, Jennifer.

  2. Jen you really are an amazing Woman. How lucky you are to have all of those special memories of your eternal companion. Your girls are so lucky to have you and all of the wonderful memories that you are keeping alive of their Daddy. If you are ever in need of anyone to help you with the girls so that you can have your date, please call and I would love to help you out so that you can have that special time .

  3. Wow - well said, Jen. Beautiful! Makes me appreciate the temple all the more. I'm so glad you have that in your life - and that you know how much it can bless you and help you through. What a great example you are to those around you! XOXO

  4. Thanks for sharing your deepest feelings with us, Jen. This help me and countless others to also have perspective and be grateful for all the small, but precious moments in our lives. You help me want to be better. Thank you so much. I love you.

  5. just found your blog, while blog hopping. Hang in there. Keep your chin up. And hang on to your strong knowledge. Also you are so right. This is just a short time. And you can do it. Reading your words, it screams " I am strong, i believe!" Also belated happy birthday. In Dutch, ( i'm from Holland) the words you say to wish someone happy birthday is congratulations with your birthday. Not happy birthday. Fitting in your case. You made it another year. I am sure there were days you didn't think that you could.... And here you are. Did it again. Another year. Congratulations! Wishing you a better year. Little less heart ache...and more strength, and more smiles...
    keep the faith lady... best wishes els

  6. I love you! you are such a great example to us all and help me keep perspective :)